


why can't i erase you from my life even though i've tried so hard to?

by adorechan



Series: loving you has consequences (that i'm willing to take) [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Leaving Home, Light Angst, M/M, i love chanshua so much, sad jisoo, still dont know how to tag am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 10:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17364578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: "don't go." jisoo sobs, a hand clutching his chest."i'm sorry." chan says, picking up his messenger bag and walking off."i can't live without you." jisoo whispers.-chan had gone missing and jisoo was the last person who had seen him. that was a year ago but jisoo can't help but still think about the younger.





	1. a year since you've gone

**Author's Note:**

> yes, another chanshua fanfic
> 
> i just lov them so much but the next part in this series will be gyuhoon bc i love them just as much

_"w-where are you going?"  jisoo says, looking around the messy apartment. clothes were strewn everywhere like chan was looking for a certain thing._

_"oh. i thought you'd be home later." chan says as he packs one more thing into his beige messenger bag._

_"what? chan, what's going on?" jisoo asks, taking a few steps closer to his boyfriend._

_"i've got to get out of here." chan says, walking closer to jisoo and gently placing his hand against his cheek. one finger trailing down jisoo's jawline. "i can't do this anymore, jisoo. i've got to leave."_

_"please. stay-" chan shuts him up with a gentle, yet passionate last kiss. they pull away together and chan caresses jisoo's face before it abruptly falls down to his side._

_"i'm sorry, love." is the last thing he says as he walks out, leaving the apartment door wide open to let the world witness jisoo break down._

 

_"i can't live without you. why are you leaving me?"_

 

a year has passed by since that day and jisoo's in his third year of university. sometimes he thinks it's his fault but jeonghan's there to comfort him. he can tell that his friend is getting tired of him and his broken heart but he needs to know why chan left.

_was it because of him? did he do something wrong? it probably was his fault, ~~he was the worst boyfriend ever~~._

"please," he prayed later that night, "give me a sign. tell me that he is okay."

 

_chan had been planning this for a while. he couldn't stay tied down in seoul forever but he knew he could not burden jisoo with his own adventurous personality. jisoo would do anything for him but he would not let him ruin his opportunities and dreams of becoming a singer for his own selfish desires. chan could not, would not allow it. so, he had to leave on his own even if it broke jisoo's heart._

_even if it made him the worst person in the world._

_he just wanted the love of his life have the best life without him dragging the other down. he was going to leave, today._

_he grabbed his clothes, his promise ring, and his polaroid camera. he smiled at the pastel blue item, remembering all the time jisoo and him had gone out and taken pictures. he sighed, softly, putting up a peace sign and a soft smile with his messenger bag slung over his body. he pressed the button and internally winced at the flash. he watched the picture slide out of the slot, still pitch black. he picked it up gently, and shook the photograph back and forth, watching it develop slowly but surely._

_he rushed around the kitchen looking for a sharpie, opening and slamming drawers. he finally found one and sighed in relief. he then uncapped it and wrote on the back of the photo where it was white._

_he headed to the room they shared and took one of the photos of jisoo and wrote on that one too. he took the two pictures and put them in a white envelope. he licked the glue seal and closed the flap, taking the sharpie and writing on the front of the envelope._

_chan then smiled in satisfaction before hiding the envelope in one of the kitchen drawers that was barely used._

_he took one look around the apartment before a single tear slid down his face._

 

_"i'll be back soon enough. is it okay for me to ask you to wait for me?"_

 

he lets the few tears slide down his cheeks, before roughly rubbing them away. he chokes back a sob, willing himself to be strong before heading into the kitchen to start making dinner. jisoo decides to go simple with some leftover kimchi from a restaurant and then making some rice in his rice cooker. he sighs, getting out some of his favorite chopsticks and a bowl to clean the rice in.

he cleans the rice, and then dumps it into the cooker, pressing the 'white rice' button on his cooker. jisoo then headed into the living room to watch a show while his rice cooked, tapping his chopsticks against the coffee table in boredom.

soon enough, the cooker beeps and he heads back into the kitchen to scoop some out into a bowl. he grabs a glass bowl with a cute little design and some soy sauce to pour into the rice just for a little bit of flavor.

he looks around for the rice paddle, not able to find it. he sighs, mumbling to himself, "where is it..?" he opens all the drawers but to no avail. he sighs once more before spotting the drawer he never uses because it's difficult for him to open by himself. he frowns, going over to pull it open. he places both hands on the handle, pulling hard before it opens with little ease. he rubs his forehead, getting away any non-existent sweat from the small arm workout.

he smiles upon seeing the rice paddle and looks around to see if there's any other utensils in there that he needs to get out, he doesn't like opening that drawer.

there's a lone butter knife and an envelope?

_to my lovely, hong jisoo._

_i'm sorry that i left._

 

he swallows the lump in his throat before putting down the rice paddle and knife. slowly, he rips open the white envelope while tears well up in his eyes and the lump in his throat becomes impossible to push down. with shaking hands, he pulls out two polaroid photos. one of him that he had taken a while ago with chan on the other side of the camera and another one of chan that he had never seen before. he assumed that chan took when he left because it looked like he had taken right before leaving as he had the same clothes on and everything.

he lets out a sob, some tears flowing down on his face. 

he examines the photo of chan for a long while, sobbing as he does so. tears blur his vision, just making him look at the photo for even longer. he falls to his knees, sobs filling the silence of his apartment. he hiccups, rubbing at his eyes, willing the tears to go away. after a few moments he composes himself, still hiccuping.

he silently turns the photos over, first looking at what's written on the photo of him.

_1-9-17_

_the day we vowed to be together forever._

he smiles, remembering that day. it was the day when jisoo gifted chan and himself with promises rings. they vowed to stay together forever as a couple. he then turns over the next photo. 

_1-9-18_

_the day that i left you._

tears once again well up in his eyes and he lets the two photos drop from his hands and float to the floor. he lets out a few tears, silently crying to himself on his dirty kitchen floor.

a flash is heard and jisoo jerks his head up so hard he's sure that he's going to have whiplash.

_"1-9-19._

_the day that i came back to the love of my life."_

 

 


	2. now that you're home again, in my arms

jisoo just sobs louder, as chan wraps his arms around his slender and fragile frame. tears are sliding down his own face as he chokes back his sobs, just loving the way he finally gets to hold jisoo once again.

they just sit there, on the kitchen floor holding one another, too afraid to let go. jisoo's hands were shaking as he gently pressed them to chan's face, observing the wonderful masterpiece in front of him. chan smiles, brightly and jisoo mirrors him, so so afraid to let go. as if letting go would mean chan would leave again.

"you sure i'm not seeing things?" jisoo asks, a chuckle escaping his lips.

"totally aren't." chan laughs, pressing a soft kiss to jisoo's lips. 

 

_"i'm sorry you had to wait for me for so long, love."_

_"the pleasure was all mine."_

 

_1-9-19  
the day my love came back to me._


End file.
